It's been a lifetime

Like it says in the title. It's been a lifetime since I've posted anything in my blog. Life has been super busy. Everyday was about work and work and work and OVERTIME. Economy was not good in my country, in order to provide a better life for my family and myself, I've been constantly working overtime and overtime to earn more income... until the day my body can no longer take the pressure and stress from work.

Polymyositis has been with me since year 2012 and has been there ever since. Didn't cause me any big problem so long I followed doctor's instruction and keep with my medications. However things was not as good as it seems. Since it is a progressive illness, which means the symptoms occured progressively rather than something you can instantly feel it, I didn't bother with the symptoms my body was giving me until it was nearly too late.

I had FOUR admissions this year and the last admission nearly took my life. I will remember it forever as it was my longest admission and the hardest admission. It is an obstacle that really challenge my will power to live especially when financial is a problem. People used to say "don't be sick when you are poor". It's true in my case. 

A simple admission of injecting Rituximab end up being wheeled from normal ward to HDU ward and then to operating theater for wound debridement surgery, back to HDU ward, and eventually to ICU ward. Doctors detected Salmonella infection in my blood (Sepsis) after injecting Rituximab. It has infected my skin and cause pus formation on my right hand and right leg, hence the surgery needed to remove the infected skin.

I was crying when I woke up from the surgery, painkiller was not helping and family members were not allowed to stay with me. Finally the nurse called the doctor and gave me IV painkiller only then I was able to have a nap.  I don't even know what's happening but last thing I knew was difficulties in breathing at 6am and feverish. My family was informed to come immediately and doctor decided to intubate me as my lungs was collapsing.

My family told me that during the intubation, the equipment in HDU was not strong enough to support my condition and doctors had to admit me to ICU for a better equipments. So... when you are in private hospital AND warded into their ICU, one can only imagine the fee... I told my family they should have there and then get a referral letter from the doctor and transfer me to semi-government hospital but they said they were too worried and at a lost to make any decisions. They just want doctors to save my life.

I was sedated and unconscious for around 2 days. When I woke up my muscles was so wasted I lost 8kgs! Imagine that! I didn't really able to look at myself as I was not allowed to get down from bed for another 3 days. But when I did, I was shocked at how frail and thin I had become. Nurses told me I was not digesting the milk they provide to me through tube feeding. Doctors and nurses were worried and ran out of options. Lucky for them (and me) I woke up and survived.

But I was so happy when the doctors told me I can take off my intubation on 4th day in ICU and feed normally! Two days later I was able to downgrade to HDU ward and finally to normal ward after two days. I took so much protein to build my muscles and to speed up wound healing. I ate like I never eaten in years. Thank God my appetite was good! LOLS!

After admitted for exactly one whole month, finally I was able to discharged. So many things had happened in between such as numbing of my whole body, stomach upset due to tube feeding, painful wound dressing every two days, gastric pain due to medication, detected multi-resistant organisms, unable to sleep due to constant nightmares, allergic reaction due to antibiotics and etc. Though I had so many bad experiences, I have also met with a lot of patients from different background with different difficulties and illnesses. I met with their families and chat with them, understanding their current situation and challenges they are facing.

By listening to them, I felt that my condition was not the worse of all and I was considered blessed. There is patient needed to amputate his leg due to infection with diabetes , there is patient that has fluid in the brain but due to old age doctor decided not to proceed with the surgery and advise his family to discharged and spend the remaining time they had, and there is also patient that admitted to HDU and ICU with me but was unable to discharge due to multiple surgeries and repeated infections in different parts of the body. I spoke to them and tried to encourage them, at the same time they encourage me too with positive words. I will never forget them.

Currently am still recuperating at home, healing from my wounds... but I am starting work tomorrow. I can't wait to live my life again. This experience changed me a lot in the sense of how I see things and people. I will start to appreciate the people around me and most importantly, treat myself better. My life will not only revolve around work and overtime and income anymore. Remembering I had only manage to go vacation with my partner of 12 years for only two times, I really feel bad for the way we are living our lives. We only live once.

This is going to be a new chapter and a new beginning for myself and the people around me, and this time I will make sure I live my life to the fullest, and of course, with my most beloved!